8 Ways To Beat And Overcome Shyness
Shy people instinctively know that they are missing out. Shyness equals lost opportunities, less
pleasure and fewer social connections. Shyness can be crippling but there are tried and tested ways to beat and
overcome shyness to make it a thing of the past.
The formula for shyness is "too much focus on the self" plus anxiety. To make it even more
unpleasant, sometimes when you are feeling shy you experience physical sensations which 'hijack' your calm logical
When I was in my teens I was very shy. Once, I met an attractive girl who attempted to engage me
in conversation. However, my extreme shyness made me focus on me instead of her. I heard my own voice but not hers
and I thought about what I was trying to say instead of what she was trying to say.
My pulse raced, my mouth dried up and I felt like the village idiot! I couldn't think what to
say so I said nothing apart from making barely audible grunting noises! When I detected pity in her eyes (or was it
contempt, or boredom) I mumbled my excuse and got out of there. I hated being shy and was determined to beat
How Shyness Is Developed And Maintained
Shyness really is a combination of social anxiety and social conditioning. In most cases, the
heightened emotions of socializing when young simply condition you to respond to social events with fear, instead
of excitement and pleasure. To overcome
shyness you need to learn to relax socially. This enables you to direct your attention away
from yourself and gives you the space to practice certain conversational
To start reducing your own shyness, here are 8 effective tips and ideas that you can put into
practice to beat and overcome shyness:
Think about the way you feel and behave around familiar people you are comfortable and spontaneous
around. It's that feeling transferred to new people and situations that equates to your emerging social
One of the most effective way to beat shyness is by striking a conversation with someone new everyday.
The next time you go get your cup of coffee or grocery, try adding a "Hi, how's your day?" to the
person assisting you. When you start speaking, you help decrease the uncomfortable period between you
and that person. Do this routine to one new person a day. Slowly, you will enjoy your little
conversation success and find yourself really comfortable talking to strangers.
Focus your attention away from yourself. Sure, you can think a little bit about how you are coming
across, but if all your focus is on your own words and feelings then you might as well be by yourself.
Notice what other people are wearing and make a mental note, listen to their conversation, imagine
where they might live, make a point of remembering names. Not only does this give you more to talk
about, it also 'dilutes' social anxiety leaving you feeling calmer.
Ask people questions. Many people like to talk about themselves and will find you interesting if you
find them interesting. Ask open questions that require more than a 'yes'/'no' response such as
"What do you like about this place?" rather than: "Do you like this
place?" Once they've answered use 'add-on' questions connected to the first such as:
"Tell me more". This is a great way to keep the conversation going.
Stop trusting your imagination so much! Have you ever had an imaginary picture in your mind of a
holiday destination only to arrive and find the reality is different from the way you had imagined?
That's how reliable imagination is. Stop imagining what others think. I do lots of public speaking and
I've long since stopped trying to second guess what others think of me - it's just too painful.
Besides, what a person thinks about you has a lot more to do with who they are than who you are.
Stop using 'all or nothing' thinking. The 'completely this/completely that' style of thought occurs
when you are emotional. People who are depressed, angry or anxious see reality in terms of differing
extremes, simplistic all or nothing terms. An angry person is 'right' and you are 'wrong'; the
depressed person feels like a 'failure' while others are a 'success'. In reality, life is composed of
infinite gray areas. So stop fearing that you might say the 'wrong' thing! Or that people will 'hate'
you. Once you start to relax more socially you'll notice much less black or white thinking because
anxiety actually causes you to think in all or nothing terms.
Take your time. You don't have to blurt things out. Ask questions and if questions are asked of you can
take time to consider your response (within reason). Don't just blurt out what you think might be the
'right' answer. A slow answer is a relaxed answer.
Finally, use self hypnotic rehearsal
. Hypnosis is the quickest way to change your
instinctive/emotional response to any situation. Only think about meeting others when your mind and
body is relaxed. This conditions you to associate relaxation with being around new people. In fact
you'll find that when you relax deeply enough often enough whilst hypnotically rehearsing being
comfortable around others you'll reach the point where you just can't be shy any more! This is what I
call a 'happy inability!'
Beat Shyness With Hypnosis Today!